Do you sometimes feel that you put a lot of effort into things for little or no reward? Do you sometimes feel that no matter how much you do, there’s just no pleasing some people?
Here’s a harder question: do you sometimes feel that no matter how much you do, YOU are never satisfied with the result?
Are you near breaking point? In your waking life, what has driven you to the point of feeling like giving up?
On the surface, your dream captures a turning point where you suddenly realise the futility of trying to fulfil other people’s expectations, of trying to serve other people’s needs. You can probably relate to this. It’s time to start looking at fulfilling your own needs instead.
On a deeper level, your dream explores why you do this.
The key is to remember that everything in a dream represents something about the dreamer. That dream building represents something about you, so let’s have a look at it:
It’s a basement, so this represents a deep part of your being, probably the very foundation of your being - the beliefs upon which you build your life, probably set down as a result of your early childhood experiences.
The room was dark, as most basements are until you add light. It’s dark down there because it’s a part of your being you can’t see clearly. Many of our foundation experiences and beliefs are deep in our unconscious, unseen by us. These unconscious beliefs work powerfully in our lives, affecting the way we see and respond to the world, even without us being aware of them.
So isn’t it wonderful that your dream takes you into this dark basement, this part of yourself that you have been ‘in the dark’ about, so that you can begin to see and understand it?
There was something else about your dream basement. It was “not very well cared for”. Now this is interesting, because in your dream this basement was the used for a dinner party, and a dinner party is all about caring for people. A dinner party is luxury caring – lots of nourishment on all levels.
Always look, in a dream, for at least one pair of opposites. You have ‘not very well cared for’ (the basement) and ‘very well cared for’ (catered, waited-upon people at the dinner party). A pair of opposites in a dream defines the main issue the dream is exploring. This dream is about quality of care, about why some things are neglected (symbolised by the state of the basement) while other things are cared for exceedingly well, even though that special care never seems to be enough (symbolised by unsatisfied diners).
This dream came up for you because of an issue of caring. A foundation belief is that you are not worthy of care, that it is okay to neglect some of your needs. Another foundation belief is that no matter how much you care, it’s never enough. As you can see, these are conflicting beliefs! This is why caring – for yourself or for others –is an issue for you. You’re in constant conflict over how much to care, either for yourself or for others.
No wonder you reach a point where you feel like “giving up”. How often do you reach this point in various areas of your life?
Your dream guests were people you know in waking life, so they are important symbols. What do all these people have in common? What are their personalities? How do they approach life? How do you respond to these people in your waking life? What do they challenge in you? How do you feel in their company? What irritates you about them? What pleases you about them? Your answers to these questions will reveal what this group of people represents to you.
For example, you might decide these people all have high expectations and are not willing to settle for anything less. (This is one scenario that would fit with your dream.)
Now, people in dreams represent something about the dreamer in the same way that buildings, basements and everything else in a dream represents something about the dreamer. So these people, in the example I’ve given, represent YOUR high expectations and YOUR unwillingness to settle for anything less.
In this example, part of you is like the waiter, endlessly caring, trying to give the very best, yet never satisfied, waiting, waiting (symbolised by being a waiter) for a result that forever seems out of reach. Another part of you is like the dinner guest with high expectations, where nothing seems good enough, nothing satisfies because it feels like second best. See how you can never win in this situation? No wonder you feel like giving up!
The mirrors reflect your own image back to you. They are a dream reminder that you, the other waiters, and the diners are all various reflections of you. Take a good look in the mirror of this dream – a good look at yourself.
The other waiters all looked the same. This is the same old waiting story, isn’t it? You’ve been here and done this many times before. There’s a pattern to this, which is why all the waiters look the same. You’re stuck in an automated waiting pattern, serving the needs of a part of yourself that will never be satisfied. No wonder the end result is that you are “not very well cared for”. You’re using up all your energy and care in trying to satisfy a part of yourself that is not willing to be satisfied because that part of you feels you are not really worthy of being loved and cared for.
Whatever you feel about yourself is reflected (those mirrors again) in your everyday world. This is why you will relate to trying to care for people who never feel satisfied with your efforts, who leave you feeling like you are second best. YOU are the one who chooses to relate to these people in this way; YOU are the person who chooses to try to please everyone; and it is YOU who makes this choice because, deep down in that basement of yours, you work hard to keep yourself unsatisfied because that’s what you believe you deserve. Who told you your expectations were too high, and that you were unworthy of achieving them?
Consult me confidentially about your dream.
Visualisation:
Visualise yourself back in that basement at the point of your dream where you sat down and gave up on serving, only this time, instead of having a “gave up’ kind of feeling, make a positive decision to ‘see the light’ and sit yourself down in the best seat, one you hadn’t noticed until now. As you visualise –and feel – yourself sitting down, notice that there’s a sumptuous meal laid out at that place for you. It’s been waiting there all the time, but you hadn’t seen it before because you hadn’t realised you were worthy of this wonderful food. Bring all your senses into this visualisation, smell the food, taste it. Add positive feelings such as feeling cared for, worthy, inspired, successful –whatever you would like to feel. Know this is an end to waiting. Your rewards are here – enjoy!
How often to do this:
Do this visualisation 20 times a day for a week, ten times a day for the second week and twice a day for the next month.
How does this work?
This practice ensures that change occurs for you in the best possible way – a positive healing transformation. Your dream expressed your waking life situation using dream language – the language of your unconscious mind. By reliving the dream with changes, or by transforming one of the dream symbols (or by reliving and intensifying the dream in the case of a dream with a positive ending) you are using vision and feeling to reprogram your unconscious beliefs.
Jane Teresa Anderson
