I'm being raped by my boyfriend. He doesn't hurt me. There's a lot of blood but I don’t feel any pain in the dream. Afterwards I ask him to be gentle and we have sex and he is very gentle. This dream has kept repeating for the last week, several times every night.
Two years ago I was raped. The guy left two big scars on my stomach. I remember everything about the rape. Afterwards I had some dreams, reliving it.
I told my boyfriend from day one not to push me and he's been great. The dreams started after we talked about the rape. He had asked me what happened and how and I think the talk made the rape resurface.
Before looking at your dream I’d like to stress that although we can and do relive traumatic events in our dreams it is extremely important for the reader to understand that traumatic dreams such as rape also have symbolic meaning. In other words, please don’t think that dreaming of rape may mean you are reliving a FORGOTTEN memory. In the case of repressed (forgotten) memories your dreams are more likely to deal with the forgotten event in symbolic ways rather than literally. If you dream of rape but have no memory of being raped then your dream is likely to reflect feelings of being emotionally or mentally violated.
In the case of this experience, though, the dreamer remembered the rape and dreamed about it in the early days as part of the natural healing process. Your dreams were replaying and dealing with the event and emotions, looking for the best way to process and understand them.
You say that the dream theme of rape came up again shortly after discussing the original rape with your boyfriend and you wonder why. It’s possible that since you felt safe enough to discuss the subject with your boyfriend your dreaming mind is ready to take a further healing step.
In the dream there is rape and then there is gentle sex – two opposites. Dreams often help us to find a point of balance, and it seems your dream may be helping to replace fearful feelings of rape with trusting feelings of gentle sex. In the dream there is a lot of blood but there is no pain. Blood is the life force and it often flows in dreams at times when the life force has been held back but is ready to be released. I wonder whether this reflects the way your own life force (vitality and sexual energy) is now freeing up. Your dream says “no pain”, suggesting that you are indeed healing from the original emotional pain of the rape.
You might also like to consider a symbolic angle. Do you feel or fear emotional or mental ‘rape’? Do you feel secure about your personal space physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Do you feel pushed by your boyfriend in other ways? Do you feel easily pushed around in other areas of your life or are you sometimes pushy and defensive yourself (over-reacting)?
If you feel the original rape event is still interfering with your relationship with your boyfriend you might like to consider contacting a rape counsellor for further help.
Your dream hasn’t supplied a symbol to work with. What image comes up when you think of the word ‘gentle’? Find an image that feels good to you and paint or draw it. Focus on it as you fall asleep and see where your dreams take you. The idea is to let your dreams explore gentleness and to help you rebuild your trust.
Discover more about Jane Teresa's Dream Alchemy Practices in her 2003 book, "Dream Alchemy" (Lothian Books).
Jane Teresa Anderson
