Author

Subject: boyfriend perving

guest

20:30 14/05/2003 

Most nights I dream about things that have already happened. One day my boyfriend was perving on a girl in front of me deliberately. She is straight across the road from where I work and she knows about it. I get smirked at all the time. I don’t seem to be able to forgive him for this even though he insists he is extremely sorry. Anyway I dream of this girl and the same scenario all the time. It wakes me up in a cold sweat.

Dream edited for easier reading - JT, 2005

2004

Jane Teresa's View

Jane Teresa Anderson

Overview Interpretation & Dream Alchemy Practice suggestion

OVERVIEW INTERPRETATION

Our dreams process our experiences of the last 48 hours. Everything we have seen, felt, heard, tasted, touched or sensed, either consciously or unconsciously, needs to be sorted out and filed away.

So much happens to us while awake that we do not register: these are the unconscious experiences our dreams need to sort out.

As our dreaming mind sorts the recently arrived information and decides where to file it, it compares this information to past experiences and beliefs which is why symbols from our past feature in our dreams (for example, past homes). Our dreaming mind also compares the information with our hopes and plans for the future and sees where there are obstacles, which is why our future hopes can also enter the dream picture.

When we have an emotional conflict (like the one you have described here) our dreams try to resolve the issue. They often do this by referring back to the past. They can reveal what old beliefs and experiences keep us in situations that are not emotionally healthy for us.

Whenever you dream of this girl you are dreaming of the betrayal you felt. You say you feel unable to forgive your boyfriend, so your dream is likely recurring over the same issue: betrayal vs trust.

The cold sweat is fear. Where has your trust been betrayed in the past? Why might that past situation be making you fearful of resolving this one?

DREAM ALCHEMY PRACTICE

Take a piece of paper and write a list of all the things that upset you about this girl. On the other side of the paper write a list of all the things you feel unable, at the moment, to forgive your boyfriend.

Wait two days and then review your lists. How many of these things remind you of past situations and past experiences?

Wait two days. Then set a clock ticking for fifteen minutes and type, as fast as you can, whatever comes up (like a story) using the title “Forgiveness”. Don’t worry about it being any good or even making much sense (you can burn it afterwards). Written fast it may look like it’s written by a five year old – and that is just fine. This is not about good writing. This is about letting your unconscious mind throw it all down onto paper. You will be very surprised at what comes up, at how good you feel afterwards, and, most importantly, at how the waking life problem will disappear. Suddenly you will know what to do.

How does this work?

By working with dream elements and symbols in writing form you are communicating with your unconscious mind in its own language to create change, to explore your feelings and to resolve and heal past issues.

More details on various writing exercises as Dream Alchemy Practices in: “Dream Alchemy”, by Jane Teresa Anderson, pages 337-338.

Jane Teresa Anderson

You can consult with Jane Teresa or her Dream Team and receive your interpretation by email within five working days.

ORIGINAL THREAD

Below is the original forum discussion on this dream, contributed before Jane Teresa's 2004 interpretation.

Lena

11:00 17/05/2003 

Hi guest,

When we have dreams of people we know, it may seem that the message is about them, but it really isn't.

Other people in our dreams represent those parts of ourselves that those people represent. For example, if you had a dream about your mother, the dream would be telling you about the beliefs that you learned by watching your mother's behaviour. So it's about YOU, not her.

So look again at your dream, and write down what you think your boyfriend and the girl might be saying about yourself.

When you've done that, come back and tell us about it so we can look at the dream a bit more.

Lena

Beth

12:36 17/05/2003 

Hi guest,

Lena is right, the dream is helping you to understand something going on within yourself. Dreams that keep recurring are showing us where we have become stuck. This is what your dream is asking you to look at.

A stuck point usually consists of unconscious attitudes or beliefs that we hold. If we listen carefully to ourselves thinking we can actually hear those thinking patterns doing their stuff, and making us feel bad.

I believe your dream is asking you to get in touch with those thinking patterns that are betraying you. I say betraying, because they make you feel bad.

You can get to the problematic thoughts/beliefs by asking yourself the following question -

"When he perves at another girl it means that ................ and it also means that I am..........."

Fill in what it means for you. You may come up with several meanings. These are the thoughts/beliefs which are hurting you.

The good news is, that once you identify it, you can transform it, and you can be free of that belief, and free of the feelings it raises in you. Look at each of those beliefs and ask yourself if they are really, really true. You might be quite surprised at your answers.

I am sure that we will never be able to stop the men from looking. All we can control is how we think and feel about it.