Author

Subject: Dark Waters

Donna

14:58 12/03/2003 

Background: I recently was fired from my position and looking at an uncertain future, although I am optimistic.

Dream: I am in large house, there doesn't seem to be much furniture in it, just some couches and a table with a computer on it. The house is full of people, some I know, some I don't know.

I see my young granddaughters. It isn't my house from the point of view that I don't feel in control here.

I see two of my adult sons. Another, my eldest son (from whom I am actually estranged) is talking to someone on the phone. From the one sided conversation I can hear it appears that he is talking to someone about problems with his computer network. It seems he is making sure that everyone is connected.

We go under the house, which is set on high stilts. The sea is underneath. There are channels of dark water and I do not want anyone to swim here in this dark water as you can't see what might be underneath it. A baby of a few months old, wearing a blue snowsuit is in one of these channels. His face is under the water. I call for someone to get him out but no one moves. I call again but no one will rescue him. I have to jump into this water myself. I do and I bring him out.

I am uncertain whether he is dead or alive and I do not check because my attention is drawn to a young man, a teenager, watching me. He has a shaved head and I turn my anger on him. I spring at him to attack him, calling him a smart arse.

Dream edited for easier reading - JT, 2005

Lena

16:58 12/03/2003 

Hi Donna,

When we dream of houses they usually symbolise our inner selves. You don't feel comfortable in this house because it is sparsely furnished and you don't feel as if you're in control here.

There's a kind of parallel in your waking life as you've just lost your job, so you obviously weren't in control there.

People in our dreams are not the waking life ones, but aspects of ourselves that those people represent. Think about those people in the dream who you know and work out what they might be saying about yourself. You are also the baby that you rescued. Have you recently rescued yourself from a life-threatening situation?

There's a lot more in the dream, but I'll wait to hear your comments so far. I agree that this dream is worth working out because of this turning point.

Lena

donna

13:20 13/03/2003 

Lena, thankyou for your comments. The whole situation of being sacked for not working to the standard expected could have had me ‘drowning’ in a flood of negative feelings. However recognising that there were a lot of other dynamics coming into play following changes to the structure of the business and the goals of the partners helped me maintain a more balanced perspective. It seems to me that one way of looking at this dream is the connection between my ability to reason and use of intuition. In the opening section of the dream I was struck by the presence of my granddaughters. Because of the estrangement with their father I don’t know them. I know they exist from photos, what I hear but there is no relationship or connection. So what in me, do I know exists, but do not feel connected to? It seems from the activity of my son with his computer network that the dynamic of the dream is about enabling functioning of aspects of myself that I know are there but I lack confidence or perhaps the opportunity to develop further and give expression to. While I recognised the underlying dynamics in my work situation I wasn’t able to give expression to them – fear, no real opportunity where I felt that I could trust them to listen, lacking trust in my perceptions. I think also that continuing to work with this dream might provide an insight into the area of work I would find most suitable for me, the direction I would like my life to take – at present that is still ‘dark waters’ to me.

Jane Teresa Anderson

16:38 13/03/2003 

Hi Donna,

You and Lena have done some great work in opening up your dream, laying it out and readying it to find the deeper treasures.

In your dream, anger and "smart arse" are connected.

What role have 'smart arses' played in your waking life?

What angers you most about 'smart arses'?

Has anyone ever accused you of being too smart or a 'smart arse'?

What is the opposite to a 'smart arse'?

How does your answer to that last question manifest in your life?

Just some questions to ponder and possibly reply to here, Donna. I know Lena and others will be back with more insights for you and your replies may help.

Jane Teresa

donna

07:42 14/03/2003 

A couple of memories come back: I’m in grade 2 and I have been caned for talking. I walked back to my desk and smiled – even then I could let no one see how hurt and ashamed I was. I was given a detention of five hundred lines – I must not be cheeky. In grade three another teacher, who was always angry it seemed, asked me if I had ever got a place in class. I said yes, grade one. She went off at me, yelling at me I was not to be smart. I recall feeling confused because I had answered her question correctly so why was she so angry at me. My brother comes into this as well – he was very good at shaming me; there is also a history of abuse there and dependency issues that has taken a long time to work through. Being unemployed I now have to go back into the centrelink system and not being independent. That is really difficult for me Your questions have touched chords My ex husband used to say things that made me feel put down and humiliated, but I could never say anything. I think because I believed them to be true. My friend now will sometimes say similar things and I call him a smart arse. If it is something that I don’t like I talk it out with him. I think it’s a matter of feeling secure in myself. It is as though my current situation has brought up a lot of issues from the past. I also struggle with a nicotine addiction. Over the last couple of weeks, everytime I try to stop I really give myself a hard time – I put myself down because I am dependent on it. And that attitude seems to touch everything else I’m doing. I am hopeless. When I decide not to worry about it now, but wait till I’m working and I have more to distract me then I will try again. But not now, I’m being too demanding of myself. (I am a bit of a perfectionist). Something happened the night before I had this dream. I do not want to go into it here, but it does have a bearing on my choice of words in the dream. After processing it, I came to the awareness that there was far more to me than I thought. That wasn’t just a concept or idea, it was like finally knowing a truth from within. Very powerful. I really appreciate this opportunity to share my dreams and thoughts about them with you and to receive feedback. I have been recording my dreams for nine years and read as much as I could in order to understand. But sharing them with you, listening to your comments – finally sharing something I love – dreamwork – with others who love it too. Brilliant. Thankyou.

Lena

18:37 14/03/2003 

Hi Donna,

It seems to me that the people you've chosen to teach you what you need to know are doing a good job! :)

I get an overall feeling that you need to recognise your inner strengths and talents and refuse to accept negative comments from others. The network issue has me thinking that it would be a good idea to get "connected" with like-minded people (like the ones here - maybe you should join)

There IS no doubt far more to you than you thought. Explore these new realms and I'm sure your future will look after itself!

Lena

oobe

06:58 15/03/2003 

Hi Donna,

The shaved headed person may represent the un-connected within you. The hair is viewed in some esoteric circles as antenna.

donna

10:05 17/03/2003 

Oobe, thankyou for your suggestion. I imagined what my shaven headed man might look like with hair. To my surprise he looked like a picture I have seen of Jesus in his role as healer. This seemed to bring my dream full circle as my eldest son’s name also means ‘healer’. Reflection on the work we have done suggests to me that the dream was raising the issue of my feelings of not being in ‘control’, but this isn’t the right word – its power, power meaning the ability to effect change. The memories raised have been of occasions of being ‘put down’ but these have been offset by more recent experiences where I haven’t reacted in the same way. There has been change. The process by which this has been done has been of accepting my feelings and letting them be, then applying reason and so being able to change. What is new from our work, is that appropriate sharing of feelings and thoughts enables new perspectives and possible directions to emerge. This has implications for a particular relationship and also in what I want to do – which is to write – find my own particular style and trust that. It also has implications for dealing with Centrelink again – previously I felt intimidated, failure etc. I have to remember now that I am not the same person as I was. This leads into the issue of dependency – my fear of becoming dependent again is possibly still a barrier to moving on from independence to interdependence. That I think is one I need to continue working with. So Lena, Oobe and Jane Teresa thank you very much for this opportunity to work together – it has been very rewarding for me. It is not just the dream but it is the dynamics of working together with others that has been important. When things settle down and unfold then I shall most certainly become a member. I shall look forward to it. Again thankyou.