Author

Subject: Death of a husband

Monij2

18:50 09/12/1999 

I had left my husband* (See note) but my children and I were still staying at the house.

My husband was having a lot of problems and seemed very depressed and I kept trying to encourage him by telling him it would all work out.

One day my middle daughter and I came home and I couldn't find him anywhere. In the back of my mind, I knew exactly where he was, and what had happened. I just knew that I didn't want my daughter to see.

Suddenly I heard her screaming from her room. She had a door in her room that led to the back yard. I rushed around the corners into her room, knowing already what she had seen, even though I had not seen it.

I put my hands over her eyes, and, as I moved her away from the door, I looked into the back yard.

My husband had hung himself from a large tree behind the children’s swing-set. His arms and legs were spread wide and he was dressed as though he were going to work.

I picked up my daughter and was trying to comfort her when someone else walked into the room. I didn't know this person, but I got a real motherly feeling from her. I could feel the anger towards my husband rushing up inside me, and I kept wanting to say, "How could he do this to us?" but I felt bad about thinking this because he was dead now, so what was the use of getting angry with him?

The other person just nodded her head, and, as I started to cry, I woke up.

Note:

* My husband and I just separated a little over a week ago. I didn't really want to do this, but we both felt that our relationship has broken apart. He tells me that he wants to get back together, that he wants to work things out.

My middle daughter and I have a rough relationship. She is only nine but she and I fight a lot. That's the way it's always been with us. But of my three children she is the one I worry about the most: I feel she is the most capable of all three.

Dream edited for easier reading - JT, 2005

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Angela

03:53 10/12/1999 

Hi Monij2,

I'll try to throw a few thoughts your way that hopefully you'll be able to work with.

Death is often representative of change in one's life, the casting off of old ideas or ways of seeing things. Perhaps your present maritial state is represented here -- you are probably working at seeing things and living life without him. I do have a quick question: why did you and your middle daughter go home?

Your might want to look at your conflict with her and relate it to a conflict within yourself that you are bringing into the issues of your marriage.

I'm sure it was a difficult decision to separate, one you didn't want to expose your children to. (covering your daughter's eyes?).

And the 'motherly figure' is a comfort. Think of your strong inner self who will be there no matter what the outcome.

Hopefully that will be of some help to you.

Angela.

babel

04:54 10/12/1999 

Dear M2,

Sorry for your pain..in addition to what Angela said I would like to add the possibility of simplicity - perhaps you are indeed worried he will hurt himself as a result of this separation. You are as worried that a child will have this scar of, god forbid, seeing such a horrific sight, never mind having to live through a loss. I hope you (and he) have good places of support professional or otherwise. i am certain you have loads of guilt about this, even if you feel it is best. Perhaps he is blaming you and taking on less responsibility, he would then feel even more overcome than you are. Best of luck, babel

Lynn

18:57 10/12/1999 

Perhaps the three women of the dream represent parts of you. There is a part of you who knows it's over (he's dead), and a part of you that has been sheltered from it and doesn't want to believe it (your daughter). Then there's your wise woman, who tries to comfort you. She's giving you permission to be angry about this, angry at him. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves anger in our waking life, even though we feel it.

Any help?

Monij2

00:42 12/12/1999 

All three of you really hit on some of the different things that I'm going through. I want this to work, but I am tired of the way he treats me and the children. Although I didn't tell him to leave, I hinted at the fact that the door was open. That he actually left at this time of the year really upset me, but I felt that I had done this to myself. I have been told that I hold myself responsible for things that I really don't have much control over. Well, anyway, thank you for your comments. They have helped a lot.

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