Author

Subject: i dream my boyfriend is raping me

jackie

22:53 15/12/2002 

I'm being raped by my boyfriend. He doesn't hurt me. There's a lot of blood but I don’t feel any pain in the dream. Afterwards I ask him to be gentle and we have sex and he is very gentle. This dream has kept repeating for the last week, several times every night.

Two years ago I was raped. The guy left two big scars on my stomach. I remember everything about the rape. Afterwards I had some dreams, reliving it.

I told my boyfriend from day one not to push me and he's been great. The dreams started after we talked about the rape. He had asked me what happened and how and I think the talk made the rape resurface.

Dream edited for easier reading - JT, 2005

2004

Jane Teresa's View

Jane Teresa Anderson

Overview Interpretation & Dream Alchemy Practice suggestion

OVERVIEW INTERPRETATION

Hi Jackie,

Before looking at your dream I’d like to stress that although we can and do relive traumatic events in our dreams it is extremely important that people understand that traumatic dreams such as rape also have symbolic meaning. In other words, please don’t think that dreaming of rape may mean you are reliving a FORGOTTEN memory. In the case of repressed (forgotten) memories your dreams are more likely to deal with the forgotten event in symbolic ways rather than literally.

If you dream of rape but have no memory of being raped then your dream is likely to reflect feelings of being emotionally or mentally violated.

Jackie, in your case you remember the rape and dreamed about it in the early days as part of the natural healing process. Your dreams were replaying and dealing with the event and emotions, looking for the best way to process and understand them.

You say that the dream theme of rape came up again shortly after discussing the original rape with your boyfriend and you wonder why. It’s possible that since you felt safe enough to discuss the subject with your boyfriend your dreaming mind is ready to take a further healing step.

In the dream there is rape and then there is gentle sex – two opposites. Dreams often help us to find a point of balance, and it seems your dream may be helping to replace fearful feelings of rape with trusting feelings of gentle sex. In the dream there is a lot of blood but there is no pain. Blood is the life force and it often flows in dreams at times when the life force has been held back but is ready to be released. I wonder whether this reflects the way your own life force (vitality and sexual energy) is now freeing up. Your dream says “no pain”, suggesting that you are indeed healing from the original emotional pain of the rape.

You might also like to consider a symbolic angle. Do you feel or fear emotional or mental ‘rape’? Do you feel secure about your personal space physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? Do you feel pushed by your boyfriend in other ways? Do you feel easily pushed around in other areas of your life or are you sometimes pushy and defensive yourself (over-reacting)?

For the more symbolic side you will find it helpful to read ‘I had sex with ...!’ in Dream Alchemy, pages 115-21.

DREAM ALCHEMY PRACTICE

If you feel the original rape event is still interfering with your relationship with your boyfriend you might like to consider contacting a rape counsellor for further help.

Your dream hasn’t supplied a symbol to work with. What image comes up when you think of the word ‘gentle’? Find an image that feels good to you and paint or draw it. Focus on it as you fall asleep and see where your dreams take you. The idea is to let your dreams explore gentleness and to help you rebuild your trust.

Jane Teresa Anderson

You can consult with Jane Teresa or her Dream Team and receive your interpretation by email within five working days.

ORIGINAL THREAD

Below is the original forum discussion on this dream, contributed before Jane Teresa's 2004 interpretation.

Angela

01:34 16/12/2002 

Hi Jackie,

Just as our bodies will naturally work at healing wounds of a physical nature, our dreams will begin the process of healing emotional wounds.

I believe this dream to be a terrific step in the healing process for you, Jackie. The repetition of the dream emphasises the need to acknowledge the change going on inside you.

The original rapist is now replaced in your dream by your boyfriend, who treats you well in waking life. This is shift number one.

Before a rape, sex is usually a pleasant thought. Afterwards, sex has been damaged. But not irrevocably, unless we allow the bad memory more importance than all the new scenarios to come. By having the preditor replaced by the new 'safe' boyfriend, you've taken a very important step internally to embrace and come together with the memory and transform sex=rape to sex=intimacy and a memory of rape.

There is blood. This is shift number two.

Blood, in dreams, often points to our life flow, the natural movement and flow of life, which again is an excellent sign of how you are now moving on with life. There is blood during the sex scene, which shows a fresh flow in your ability to be intimate. In dreaming life blood is actually a good thing. Yet, in waking life blood usually indicates there's something wrong. So it's no wonder that when we look with our waking minds at our unconscious dream images that we often see danger and feel the panic after a dream, when, in reality, the unconscious is just healing.

Just like the healing process of a physcial body, in fact. This too requires that blood flows to the wound...

There is no pain. This is the most significant shift; shift number three.

Jackie, you are naturally and beautifully healing yourself through this dream. The constant repetition of it is actually the very method used for transformation of the pain of memory. In waking life we could use affirmations, repeating over and over, a new and positive way to look at something. Yet if we could all tap into the wonder that your dreaming mind has just given a perfect example of, we would be a much stronger race.

The bad memory will always be there, just as good memories stay with us too. But the pain connected to it is leaving you. And your healthy mind is naturally taking that paing away.

Wonderful dreaming, Jackie!

Angela.

luciano

23:41 23/12/2002 

HI JACKIE I personal believe the nightmare yuo are having is your boy friend. because yuo did' tell himm about your unfortune happing. now and then the boyfriend reminds you in same convesation and therfore the fear that may happen again is surfacing. my apinion is the next time the dream came again , ask in the dream <why and who are you?> repete a few times the question and yuo will be oky after

luciano

23:47 23/12/2002 

hi JACKIE LET ME KNOW ABUOT YUOR NIGHTMARE

jackie

21:06 27/12/2002 

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone that has replied to my post.

Right now, i'm going better and the dream only repeats itself at long intervals, not so often as before.

I'm gratefull for you guys helping me undrestand my dream and now i feel more calm about it.

My boyfriend and I have decided to take it slow for the time being and since neither of us thinks i'm ready to be with him while i dream he rapes me.

I do hope you're right, Angela, and that i am healing because if not... well... i'm scared of losing my boyfriend.

But i think everything will turn out well if i dont push myself.

After all... i cant live in fear of that memory for ever, now can i?

Gloria

10:41 28/12/2002 

Hi Jackie, Just want to add my two bit's worth here.

Firstly, I don't want to dispute anything that Angela has said. She is a wonderful, caring individual and her dream interpretation skills are brilliant. It does sound like a healing is happening via the dreams.

Rape is rape. It is violation of one's buundaries in it's most extreme physical and emotional form. There is no nice way to be raped, whether it is by a violent stranger or a loving partner temporarily desensitised to your resistance by his overwhelming passion for you.

Assuming that dream characters represent a part of your own psyche, it may be that your boyfriend represents a part of you that is violating your own boundaries in some way.

Alternatively, or in addition, it could be your intuition alerting you to things which are bothering you about your boyfriend. After such a traumatic experience, it is natural for you to feel extremely vulnerable, untrusting and hyper-vigilant.

It is important for both your sakes that if there is anything bothering you about any of your boyfriend's behaviour that you talk it out with him. Don't just make excuses or pass it off as your paranoia. He sounds like a gentle, caring person, and sensitve men are deeply affected by violations of this kind. This event offers both of you an opportunity for healing.

The advice you give yourself is the best kind and you say that you think everything will turn out well if you don't push yourself. Wise words indeed. They WILL turn out well if you don't push yourself.

Not pushing yourself also means not allowing anyone else, no matter how well intentioned, to push you either.

You have been through a very painful ordeal, healing doesn't happen overnight. Be gentle with yourself and honour your soul.

All the best.

Love, Gloria