Author

Subject: spiders a tortoise and a wombat

Steve

15:19 25/05/2003 

I am in my house and it is like I am in a documentary. I can hear the narrator talking about spiders and how some hunt humans. I move through the rooms of my house feeling that a spider is tracking me and I catch glimpses of a fast moving striped spider.

I am then showing some incredibly tough rope-like spider's web to someone, I think, to my 16 year-old son. I am explaining that if I was caught by this web I would probably not be able to break free.

Looking up onto the ceiling I see a bundle of this tough web hanging, but it is not a fresh web, more like the remnants of an old abandoned one.

Next I am outside a house which resembles my father-in-law's house at the Entrance. I am examining a tree when I see a huge spider moving through the branches. I call out to my spouse who I know is inside the house to come and see. When I look closer, however, I see that the spider is in fact a tortoise that is moving, in a very un-tortoise like way, with great agility (almost like a monkey) through the tree. I think that it is hunting and eating spiders.

I now see another animal but this time on the ground and very much closer to me. I back up until my back is to the garden fence. I am a little afraid but I sense that it does not really wish me any harm although I sense that it is powerful enough to hurt me should it want to. It is like a badger but definitely an Australian animal, orange-reddish colouring and slow moving. Maybe it is a wombat.

Again I call out to my spouse to come and see but she doesn't seem to hear me. From where I am standing I can see the back door of the house. Behind a screen door my son (much younger now, just a toddler) is playing with our two cats. I do not move and I hope that the "wombat" does not leave before someone comes to see it.

Dream edited for easier reading - JT, 2005

Jane Teresa Anderson

11:58 27/05/2003 

Hi Steve,

Just a beginning here:

Animals often represent our instincts or energies.

When you think of a tortoise, what do you (personally) imagine its instincts and energies to be?

Then ask yourself the same question about the spiders and the badger/wombat.

(You saw the third animal as both badger and wombat so consider this as a composite animal to start with.)

Badgers are English (in my mind) and wombats are Australian - any connection here?

Badgers are stripey and I notice the spiders in your dream were stripey. What colour stripes?

On looking at the tough spider web you say to your son, "If I was caught by this web I would probably not be able to break free." You then notice that the web in question is the remnants of an old abandoned one.

What remnants from your past may still be affecting you in terms of holding you back from breaking free?

"An old abandoned one" ... what have you abandoned (or what has abandoned you) that may still be making it difficult for you to break free of something?

Your son is 16 in your dream - what was happening for you when you were 16 (or 16 years ago) that may be connected here?

There is a lot more to your dream, Steve, but if you get back with some thoughts so far, we can take it further.

Jane Teresa

steve

22:14 27/05/2003 

Hi Jane Teresa

Thanks very much for your comments.

I was born in England and emigrated to Australia when I was 9 years old. I have always felt that I had a foot in both camps, so to speak.

More difficult is trying to work out my feelings about the instincts and energies of the tortoise in the dream. I would feel that tortoises are normally ponderous, steady, reliable and vulnerable (although they do have their protective shell). They also have the potential to win the proverbial race. By showing greater energy and agility the tortoise seems to be transcending its normal state. I have no idea why I thought it was a spider in the dream or why it might be hunting spiders.

I think I can shed some light on the symbolism of the web by sharing some personal information. I am currently being treated for depression (just recently diagnosed) and as I recover I am trying to use the experience to understand and change my life significantly. I feel that not coming to terms with a number of issues in my past and present life is detrimental to this aim. For example I want to leave my current job (where I have indeed felt trapped) and become a writer. Consequently I have been trying hard to get in touch with my unconscious creativity and as a result have been dreaming (for the first time in a long while) and remembering and recording them.

I think the spider's stripes were white.

When I was 16 - I was working - when I should have been at school (another long story I'm afraid, but I have always regretted not finishing school) - I suppose I do also have this fear that my son will not complete his schooling.

"an old abandoned one" this is difficult, to some extent I have abandoned my current job - but I suppose that the biggest sense of abandonment is when my father left home. I was 12 at the time. I have always felt the absence of a father even today.

Sorry to be so long-winded but I sense that this is an important dream at a time when I am at a crossroads.

Thanks again for your help.

Steve

Jane Teresa Anderson

09:51 28/05/2003 

Hi Steve,

Not at all long-winded. This is perfect feedback as well as the beginnings of your own dream processing. You are already in motion with this dream.

Your observations so far seem spot on.

Your unconscious mind is certainly responding to your choice to get back in touch with your creativity as well as to furnish you with some of the 'blocks' (beliefs or fears) that are best understood and overcome to free your chosen path ahead.

It will be interesting for you to explore, through your dreams, how the depression may have been related to the 'not coming to terms'.

Did you overlook the fact that you didn't finish school at 16 as another abandonment?

Might you fear that (eventually) leaving your current job might be an abandonment and therefore something you do not wish to do - especially now your own son is 16 and you are keen for him not to repeat your own 16-year old experience?

In what ways might your sense of missing a father (feelings of abandonment) have resulted in beliefs or fears that might now be holding you back (keeping you feeling trapped)?

Your description of the tortoise may reflect the choices you have made in the past with your current career - reliable, slow (definitely not abandoning).

You say, "By showing greater energy and agility the tortoise seems to be transcending its normal state." Perhaps this, then, is your new challenge - how to show greater energy and agility to transcend and achieve the creative expression you have chosen.

Spiders often show up in dreams as symbols of power of the intuitive type - think of the power of a tiny spider to spin a web, trap prey .... Dreams featuring spiders sometimes occur when the dreamer has dismissed his or her own intuitive power to some extent.

If the tree at your father-in-law's house was a 'family tree', what insight could it give you? Where are the tortoise and spider traits in your wife's family? What are their beliefs in speed, power, vulnerability, reliability?

Your fear in the dream rests with the badger-wombat which leaves you in a 'back to the fence' (wall) situation - though you are open to approach. There was something in your observation of the spider-tortoise dynamics in the family tree that resulted in you seeing a more grounded (?) image of the English-Australian slow moving POWERFUL creature that YOU could see but that you were having difficulty communicating to others.

Where have you had difficulty communicating recently?

You see your son as a toddler at the back of the house playing with your two cats. (Might he have been two?) How would you describe the instincts/ energies of your cats? What do your cats represent to you?

Your son at toddler age is YOU. How old was he? If, for example, he was two, what is two years old in your life? (What have you been 'playing with' [like the cat energy] for two years?)

At the back of the house - at the back of your mind - not yet upfront - why might you be holding back?

Hope this helps you explore deeper, Steve.

Where does this take you?

(Once you begin to get clear, the next step is to create some dream alchemy practices to speed desired outcome.)

Jane Teresa

steve

12:43 29/05/2003 

Hi Jane Teresa

Wow! You sure have given me plenty to think about.

Can I say from the start that since I have focused on this dream its like my unconscious has given me "time off" and I haven't been remembering any dreams for the last few nights. Is this usual?

I certainly do have fears and doubts about choosing to be a writer. Some of these are no doubt common, such as fears that I am not really creative or that I do not have the skill. More importantly though, I think that I fear the unknown, fear that I don't really know who I am. Fear to confront my real self. But knowing at the same time that this is necesary if I am to be a writer. During my depression the feeling of emptiness, loss of identity, and that there is no depths within me, have been a constant.

I think that you have scored a bullseye in linking my depression to "not coming to terms". I have been one of life's great procrastinators and have put off thinking about and dealing with many of the big issues in my life. But I know that these don't just go away. My Brother's death three months ago left me feeling wretched over things left undone and unsaid.

You are also right to point to my not finishing school as an "abandonment". My family are from a working class background and never placed much emphasis on education. I was "encouraged" to leave school and get a job, a decision which I have long regretted although I went along with it at the time. And, yes I do worry about the implications of leaving my secure (and relatively well paid) job - particularly given my responsibilities.

I have given a lot of thought to the link between feelings of abandonment and of now being trapped. I think that to compensate for a missing father I have become a much more timid and cautious person than I might otherwise have been. I have overvalued security, been unadventurous, shied away from making decisions and generally let my life drift on. These attributes strongly work against the possibility of change and growth. Similarly, the tortoise probably does represent, in its normal attributes, the person I think I have become while its transcendent state is definitely what I want to achieve. I am constantly battling to find the energy and purpose to write.

What an interesting idea the tree at my Father-in-Law’s as a “family tree” is! There is much I could write, but I will limit myself to two comments. Firstly, that while I dearly love my father-in-law he does share most of the attributes of the tortoise. Secondly, my brother-in-law, is a mercurial, brilliant and successful man as well as being an incredibly reliable, generous and thoughtful person. I envy him and sometimes am intellectually intimidated by him. He possesses the combination of a phenomenal memory and a liking for pedantry that can be very annoying and wearing.

As for my fear in the dream, I feel that the Australian- English animal could represent my creative potential which could be powerful, but perhaps about which I need to be more realistic (ie down to earth). Perhaps also the choice of animal as a badger means that to be successful I will have to dig into the earth (into my past?). I’m also very familiar with “Badger” from “Wind in the Willows” who to me represents long-livedness, strength, commonsense and steadiness.

Over the past couple of years I have had difficulty communicating my feelings of frustration and unhappiness (with work and my direction in life more generally) to others, and this has gradually led to my depression. More recently I have not communicated my wish to become a writer to my spouse. It could be that I want to “show” her my desire to be a new more powerful “Badger”?

My cats (only one of which is still alive – aged 19!) represent to me serenity, grace, power, wildness, alertness, intelligence and contentment. My “son” at the back of the house would be about two years old. My feelings of depression started about two years ago when I was working overseas. I see cat-like energy in terms of an untiring kitten racing around patting at things with its paws, but I can’t relate this to something that I may have been playing around with for two years – unless it means that I have been “playing around” with thoughts of leaving my job, but not doing anything about it.

Your last question is perhaps the hardest one. What is at the back of my mind and why am I holding back? I can only think that it is fear. Fear of failure and also fear of success, perhaps also fear to face and lay bare my inner-self (which as a writer I would need to do). I do take it as positive that in the dream I wanted to show “the badger/myself” to my spouse but now that I think of it I couldn’t seem to shout loudly enough for her to hear.

Phew! I am learning a lot from this process.

Jane Teresa, can’t tell you how much I appreciate your help. I will be interested to learn more about dream alchemy and will be subscribing to your site.

Thanks again

Steve

Jane Teresa Anderson

18:57 29/05/2003 

Hi Steve,

Thank you for sharing this dream and your thinking .... you are onto it now and, in doing so, have helped illustrate the process for others.

Now that you are an Annual Member - see you over in the Members' Forum!

Jane Teresa

Gloria

21:20 29/05/2003 

Hi Steve and Jane. This is a fascinating post for me, so many elements I resonate with. Jane' skills are second to none, Steve, you are in good hands here.

Steve, I think you would find it very beneficial to join the member's forum. Through my dream work I have just come to the point of committing myself to writing the book I have been picking at off and on for a couple of years. Writing it is bringing up issues but the dreams are showing the way to work through them.

I too love cats and they appear quite regularly in my dreams. In addition to your attribute list I regard them as symbols of intuition, love and faith.

That is such a beautiful image of the 'transcendant tortoise.' Tortoises are also wonderful symbols for me. I went through a 'tortoise stage' for a couple of years, where I felt that I just needed to pull my head in and retreat from the world.

You say that perhaps you also 'fear to face and lay bare my inner-self (which as a writer I would need to do).' I too have the same fears (in fact everything you mentioned). The members' forum provides a wonderful and safe avenue for dipping your toes into the water in this regard, as well as working through the issues as they arise through dreams.

All the best.

Love, Gloria

Gloria

21:21 29/05/2003 

Ah, I composed this offline and didn't see Jane's last post. See you on the forum, Steve.

G.